The idea behind this psychology is that every partner has a different way that they give and receive love.
The number one New York Times Bestseller, Dr. Gary Chapman; The Five Love Languages for singles argues that these ways can be divided up into 5 simple categories:
Words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts, and quality time.
We all can have selfish tendencies. It’s so easy to expect others to show love and affection the same way that we do. When we find ourselves in relationships, success often comes with actively tending to the wants and needs of the other person.
Understanding your partner’s love language can be an important tool to enhance the long-term health and happiness of your relationship.
When you’re in a relationship, understanding your partner’s love language can make you seem like an all-star.
When couples understand and tend to their partner’s love language it can help with problem-solving and harmony within the relationship.
Words of Affirmation
If your partner values this love language, then they will feel loved when you verbally express yourself. Tell them they look nice or just tell them “I love you”. Heartfelt expressions of appreciation will go a long way with someone who likes words of affirmation.
Hearing “I love you” on a regular basis is important to them, and helps them to believe they are loved. Hearing the reasons behind why they are loved is icing on the happy-relationship cake.
Insults are not easily forgotten and not hearing enough words of affirmation will make them feel unloved.
This touch with someone you’re attracted to releases endorphins in all of us- holding hands, hugging, or pats on the back make you feel loved and cared for.
Physical closeness is directly related to emotional closeness for you, and neglect can be destructive to the relationship.
A hug can lift your mood or take away your insecurities. This person will need to literally feel your presence and will feel unloved if they don’t.
Quality time is pretty straight forward. The more time you spend with someone the more they feel loved. Having your partner’s undivided attention is the time when you feel most appreciated.
Distractions during quality time or postponing dates can make you feel like you aren’t important to your partner. Scheduling the time to be together is crucial to the success of your relationship.
Time is something we can never get back, and the person who values quality time most will want to spend it wisely.
Receiving gifts is a love language that can be looked down upon if you don’t fully understand it. It’s not about just getting a gift, it’s about the thought behind it.
This person will really appreciate things that come from the heart. So if you’re catering to this person, think a little out of the box. Don’t get them a gift card for their birthday, give them something that sparks a memory or means something.
All gifts, whether small and daily or big and grand, remind them how much they matter to their partner and how much thoughtfulness and effort they think they are worth.
While the person with this primary love language enjoys receiving gifts, they will also equally enjoy giving gifts. They will be thoughtful in their gift-giving, always trying to give you something that you need or will really enjoy!
Missed birthdays or thoughtless gifts are their relationship nightmare because it makes them feel like their partner doesn’t care about them.
Acts of Service
If you feel most loved and appreciated when your partner thinks about what they can do to ease the responsibilities that are weighing on you. Hearing “let me help you with that” or “I already took care of it” is more exciting to you than being involve in the responsibility.
Laziness, failure to perform their share of chores, or being unthoughtful with how they can help you are all easy ways for you to feel unappreciated and unloved.
Someone who values this love language will appreciate it when you take over things that need to get done.
So why is knowing your partner’s love language so crucial to the success of your relationship?
It’s so common for people to feel neglected by their partners. They may think that they aren’t loved and that their partner doesn’t care. In a lot of situations, this can be due to miscommunication. One partner doesn’t show/receive love in the same way that the other does.
It’s very common for two people to have a different primary love language. Understanding your partner’s love language and actively working to show love in their specific way can speak much louder than words.
It will help you and your partner feel more appreciated.
Think about it: if you’re an “Acts of Service” person dating a “Words of Affirmation” person, your partner might shower you with compliments and “I love you”s every day, but you would spend the relationship not feeling truly appreciated because they never offer to run errands or do the dishes.
Understanding your partner’s love language will help you discern how they show their love, so that you do feel loved and appreciated, knowing the way in which they give their love is different than yours.
It will allow you to communicate your needs more.
We’ve all had those little things we wish our partner would just do without us asking; complimenting us when we dress up, bringing home flowers, planning a date night. When they don’t do these things, it can be hurtful because in our minds, those things equate to their appreciation.
We also might worry they’d just be doing those things because they feel forced to if we ask them to, not out of appreciation or love.
Understanding that they do other things out of love, and that they just have a different love language, will help you to communicate, “it makes me feel appreciated when you clean the kitchen,” or “I feel loved when you hold my hand.”
It will show you and your partner what you both should do without being asked.
Knowing your partner is a “Physical Touch” person will make you more thoughtful about holding their hand in public or hugging them when they’re down, and you will be able to understand the meaning and importance behind these little acts that, for you, would otherwise be insignificant.
Your partner will be more conscious about what they can do to show you how much they appreciate and love you.
When you and your partner both know how the other gives appreciation and wants to receive appreciation, it makes for more thoughtful decisions and efforts that make you and your partner both feel loved and valued.
You and your partner should take a love language test. It will help you identify the ways that you can better make each other feel loved. It’s something you should talk about and help each other work though.
Be honest about what you like and what you don’t like. At the end of the day, relationships work best when there is open communication. When you can be open about the things you need. it’s much more likely to yield a positive outcome in your relationship.